My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
