You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
