Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
