i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
