Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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