There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
