Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize