Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You can't motorboat a personality
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
