Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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