As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
