Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
