A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
