He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
