Ambien. No doubt about it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
