i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
