Need sex. Gaining weight.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
