Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
