I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
