remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
