I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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