Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
