I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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