Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
