i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
