Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize