It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
