Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
