Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
