apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
