I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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