can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
