We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
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Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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