why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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