I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
