Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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