i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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