that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
