At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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