dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
