I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
