So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
