I wish I could teleport
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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