I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
