So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
