i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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