Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
