Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So squirting runs in the family.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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