I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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