the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful