so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.