Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her