3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he had hair everywhere except his balls