my mouth tastes like poor choices
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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