I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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