Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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