This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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