I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
