ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Drake has all the answers
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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