if you like me you must not know who I am
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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