At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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