Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
