a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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