Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
