all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
