id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
